Here I go again....

Shit...change again? It's inevitable. It happens. Shit. shit shit. Can I say that in a blog???

My life seems to be in continual transition. And I'm tired of it. I am tired of answering questions. I am tired of "the look" - the one people give when they know you are struggling with life. I am tired of having to make decisions.

However, all of that said, I am ready. I am ready to be me - fully me. Whatever that means or brings. I want to feel fully. Live fully and engage life fully - even if it pisses some people off. Not that I want to this time (I have wanted to before, I don't now.) I just want to be. I want what I encourage other people to seek - an authentic existence - even if it means making hard decisions or going against the grain.

I wish we could live a life where no one ever got hurt or frustrated. I wish that we could look into the crystal ball and see what the future holds and make informed decisions that hold no regrets or remorse.

But, we are human, aren't we? We make choices the best we can at the time. Sometimes these choices really are ours. Sometimes they are the culmination of other's expectations. Sometimes we really don't know the difference.

One of my dearest, wisest, most hilarious friends reminded me of something this week as he shared a quote that I had printed out for worship.

"Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that?'"

Thanks, Jimmy. Thanks for reminding me of hope....of time....of all that is to pass...of all that is to come.